Opening Your Saintly Heart
I was recently hospitalized for five days during my 2nd trimester of pregnancy for high blood pressure. I was consumed with fear, the unknown, and worried for my other three young children that we were left at home without my constant care, and the tiny one still growing in my belly. No longer was I home managing their schedules, taking them to school, and packing their lunches. Every few moments I glanced in pleading hope upon the wooden cross on the hospital wall directly across from my bed, where I stayed for the next five days. The first few days in the hospital I allowed the conversations with doctors to ignite the fear of the unknown within me, giving into the negativity & anxiety of each breathing moment, partially unable to grasp the concept of giving the reins to my creator and allowing the universe to align in its predestined path. But why, still, was it so challenging for me to truly open up my heart and hand over complete control? Even though I was a daily practitioner of faith and believing, I still struggled to turn myself, my body, and my soul over to the will of God.
Around day three I was encouraged by a kind nurse to go for a short walk. It was there I discovered the hospital’s empty chapel where I sat, cried, prayed, and began to surrender my soul. Admitting to God, Jesus, Mary, and St. Gerard, I pleaded to all of my spiritual guides to show me the way, I couldn’t shoulder this anymore. That very evening a sense of peace and acceptance began to take hold. There was nothing personally that I could control at this moment in time, it wasn’t up to me. A number of days later, I was given permission to monitor my health from home, on bed rest, still unable to perform the tasks I was accustomed to in caring for myself and my loved ones. A fellow parishioner volunteer who brought our family dinner encouraged me to pray to Our Lady, advocating for her, telling me that she will help me get through this difficult time in motherhood. Another close friend shared the name of an author, Michael E. Gaitley, MIC who authored multiple do-it-yourself-retreat books, that would assist me in my continued faith journey. I then committed myself to a daily devotion of 33 Days to Morning Glory in preparation for Marian Consecration.
As I write this I have now crossed into my third trimester, and I still make a daily commitment to God, praying for his will each day at home. I truly believe that God heard my prayer in the hospital’s chapel that day, bringing me the nurse who encouraged a walk, the parishioner who reintroduced me to Our Lady, and the friend who recommended a daily at-home retreat. These were all people who were sent from God, reminding me that he’s there listening, watching, hoping, and providing all the love and care I could ever need for my family.
“And all I had to do was open my heart completely and grasp the love that is so freely given from those who follow the lord’s path.”